by Charles Arencibia
This morning, Mr. Aviles was peacefully (mostly) going about his work. He is in the middle of his first period when a student raised their hand to ask a question.
“He asked something I already explained at the beginning of the lecture, so I was already on edge,” said Aviles.
At that moment, students report a deep breath from the PA system.
Students report hearing dean of students Mr. Linfors say, “Good morning Columbus….. Good morning Columbus.”
Aviles had reached a breaking point.
“Every day the PA system comes on and I have to hold back the urge to throw my arm through the wall,” Aviles reportedly said earlier that class period.
Aviles had waited for this moment ever since he started maxing out the dip machine at the Columbus gym. He had stacked up on creatine and pre-workout.
He winded back his arm and launched it through the PA system.
His punch caused a shock wave through the system and back to Linfors, causing him to fall back in his chair. Students reported a ringing in the ears and a faint smell of garlic and ammonia.
“Usually, he only smashes the board when someone interrupts the class on the PA system. So, we are just happy that he didn’t break his 23rd board,” said an anonymous student.
When asked for comment, Aviles looked at our reporter with a thousand-yard stare.
Are we certain this is satire?